A TOAST TO THE PAST

BY KENNETH DUBE

There once was a pub down in the city. Its new owner prided himself on coming up with creative gimmicks to lure people in. The ideas worked as his was the only watering hole which attracted the majority without charging a cover.

Other bars in the area did a good business too, as it was "the big city". But for those that went to Buzz's, there was no reason to go anywhere else. The atmosphere was casual, but by no means a dive. The drinks were average in price and the bar fully stocked. Jim Dean, the owner, prided himself in carrying every beer possible from around the world. Even on tap, he boasted the best assortment of pale and brown ales, and smooth stouts. The back of the bar housed a dance floor where people danced to the widest selection of music on a jukebox. Four television sets stimulated the room from different directions, including a large television over the center of the bar.

That's why John liked to escape to Buzz's. He enjoyed watching the sports on TV. Of course the wide assortment of people, especially women, certainly was high on his list too. Plus he didn't have to worry about dressing up. There was no dress requirement and such a variety in style there, which he felt very much at ease wearing his comfortable jeans and sports shirt.

John was extra excited about going to Buzz's tonight. He was supposed to go on a blind date that his friend had set him up with. Actually it wasn't really blind, maybe just a little hard of seeing, since both sides already knew what each other looked like. They had just never gotten to know each other.

John left his house and walked to the bar at 8:45. He would get there a few minutes early, but he preferred to get there early rather than late and he couldn't wait to meet Carol anyway. He was dressed in his jeans and his favorite blue and white striped shirt. He didn't feel that he had to dress up any more than usual. John figured that either she liked him as he really was or it didn't matter.

Upon reaching the usual place, John found himself waiting behind two people and Jim Dean at the door collecting a cover charge. John waited his turn and then moved in front of Jim.

"What's going on Jim?" asked John. "You never charge cover."

"Evening John," answered Jim. "It's not just any cover charge. You pay a five dollar cover and in exchange, you get five tickets worth one dollar each. You can cash them in for drinks during the night."

"What if I don't use them all tonight?" asked John as he unwillingly pulled out a five from his almost empty wallet. "Can I use them another night?"

"Nope," said Jim. "Any unused tickets you put in the big jar on the bar. A poster inside will explain what it's for."

"Al right," said John musingly.

John walked in and scanned the room for his friends and date, but came up empty. He walked over to the bar and ordered a beer while noticing a few people that he recognized. Upon using a couple of his tickets, he found an empty table and waited, occupying himself with a ballgame on one of the corner TV sets.

After about five minutes, his friends walked in with Carol. John signaled them over and then continued watching the game. Anne and Carol went to his table and sat down.

"Where’s Matt?" John asked while looking over Carol.

"He's getting our drinks," answered Anne. "Well I had might as well officially introduce you two.

"John, Carol; Carol, John," she said gesturing with each name.

The two shyly exchanged greetings and smiled a lot. After a few polite comments on the ball game and the weather, Matt joined them with the drinks.

"Who's winning?" Matt asked.

"Ha?" John asked puzzled.

"The game," he said sarcastically. "Who's winning the game?"

"Oh," John answered with a smile. "The A's, two to one in the fourth."

"Damn," Matt answered. "I've got ten on that game."

"I think you'll live if you lose," John said.

"You know," Matt said leaning over the table towards him, "you're right, but that doesn't make things any better."

"If he spent as much money on me," said Anne, "as he does on gambling, I wouldn't have to work.”

"What do you mean?" asked Matt loudly. "I just spent fifty dollars on you today alone. I bought you lunch and that shirt that you've been bugging me about. If I spent all the money that I spend on you on gambling instead, I would have won enough to retire already."

The two went on play-arguing for a while. John and Carol just looked at each other and laughed. After a minute of it, Carol asked, "You want to dance?"

John hesitated for a moment and thought about it and then answered, "Sure. But I'm not a great dancer."

"Neither am I," she answered with a smile.

John went over to the dance floor with her and sweat it out. His hesitation to go up there in the first place was because he had never danced there. In fact, he had rarely danced anywhere. He just simply hated dancing.

But that night, he had a reason. Carol was pretty nice. He wanted to get to know her and date her regularly if things should go on like they were. She had a lot of traits that he liked. One of them, he hoped, was that he met her standards. He knew she was in her early twenties. She was slim and had an attractive face. What he really liked about her was her simple and child-like nature. He didn't feel intimidated by her. In fact, he felt very comfortable with her.

After dancing to a few songs, they agreed to join the others. While walking back to the table, one of the posters on the wall caught his eye. He remembered that he had not looked at the contest rules, yet.

"Carol, hold on," he said. "I want to see what this contest is all about."

"Good idea," she answered.

The two stood side by side in front of one of the posters, John more to the center. John quickly read it and then waited for Carol.

"Think you'll win?" he asked half joking and half serious.

"No, I never win anything," she said.

"Well, who knows," he said. "There's always a first."

They both looked into each other's eyes for a moment thinking the same thing about their desires for each other, but did not admit it verbally. After their eyes trailed off nervously, John led the way back to the table. Matt and Anne were cuddled next to each other, laughing about some story Matt's alcohol had furnished.

John and Carol sat opposite to them and sat close to each other, also. The other two noticed them and tried to control their laughter and finally did on the third try. They had consumed a shot a piece and were already on their second drink.

John pulled his drink next to him and did the same for Carol. He wiped his hand on his pants to get rid of all the water that he soaked up off of the perspiring glass.

"You two looked good dancing up there together," said Anne. The four smiled and searched the table while waiting for more conversation that never developed. Matt finally broke the tension.

"Come on buddy," he said to John. "You have some catching up to do."

John looked at his glass and took a quick gulp from it and set it down.

"I will," he responded. "But, I'm only going to use up two more tickets so that I have one left for the raffle."

He went up to the bar for refills and returned as their savior.

"Do you know what Jim's giving away?"

"Yeah, those big ink sketches of Babe and Yaz," Matt answered.

"You haven't left your seat since you got here," said John. "How did you know that."

"They told me up at the bar when I got our drinks," Matt said. "I do have my sources you know."

"You saving a ticket?" John asked.

"Am I saving a ticket," Matt said sarcastically. "I put all five into the jar. I paid cash for these drinks."

"Hmm," replied John. "I should have done that too. Oh well."

He and Carol looked at each other and smiled. Then, Carol pulled out hers.

"I still have mine," she said. "I'll give you two of them so that we're even."

"No, that's all right," he responded. "I don't have any plans of winning, anyway."

"Hey, did you two hear about that guy who inherited a fortune," Matt broke in. The two shook their heads. "Yeah, one day he was struggling to make ends meet and the next thing he knew, he was worth a bundle."

John's attention turned to the table. He listened to Matt's story, but he had so much on his own mind, that he drifted in and out. He finished his drink and set it down next to the group of wet rings before him. With his right index finger, he traced the circles and smeared them until they were all connected and stripped of their virginity.

One year later, John and Carol returned to the bar at which they had met; only now they were married as of five months. Matt and Anne met them there, also. You see, both couples were lucky enough to win the two prizes in the raffle. The rules stated that they were not to pick them up until a year from that very night.

More than John and Carol's marriage had occurred in that brief span of time. A product of their love, Kent, was one month old. They lived out of state and drove all the way over to see Matt and Anne again, and to pick up their prize. John had to find a job that paid a little more in order to feed three mouths.

They only got to see Matt and Anne occasionally, since the unmarried couple still lived together not far from the bar in a well-to-do neighborhood. Both were always busy climbing the executive ladder. Matt's strategy had paid off. It turned out that the ticket that Carol gave John was lucky also.

John and Carol pulled into the lot early, as it had not taken as long to get there as they had thought. They got out of the car, an old sedan that had begun showing its age all over. When they got to the door, a man in a Buzz's t-shirt watched them walk in, deciding he didn't need to card them. John looked around to see if any of his friends were there. There were a few familiar faces, but no one that he would know well enough to go over and talk over old times with.

As they had the pick of most of the tables, they sat down at the one they had sat at last year when, they met. A baseball game was on the TV set before them. Music was playing in the back room, but no one was dancing. After scanning the walls for familiar objects, John broke out of his trance and stood up.

"I'll go up to the bar," he said to his wife. "What do you want?"

"I don't know, a beer I guess," Carol answered despondently.

"You sure," he said. "You can get a mixed drink if you want."

"No, that's Okay," she answered with more energy. "A beer is fine."

"Al right," he said and he walked over to the bar.

He stood at the end of it and watched the bartender, whom he had not recognized, mix a drink and retrieve two beers out of a bin. John let his eyes wander to the TV behind the bar while he waited, looking over at the bartender every few seconds. After the customer paid for the drinks, he looked at the bartender in anticipation, but found that he started a round of tequila shots for another customer. John looked back at the screen impatiently, disgusted that he had to wait so long to get drinks when the bar was so empty.

After finally getting his two beers and leaving a meager tip, John returned to his wife and complained to her about what had happened. The conversation eventually turned to domestic problems and future plans, with a few pauses and a lot of glances at the television in between.

At quarter after nine, Matt and Anne walked in. Matt stopped at the bar for drinks, where John noticed that he was immediately served, and Anne came over to their table with a big smile on her face.

"Hey you guys!" she yelled to them as she extended her open arms to Carol. John and Carol got up and after Carol hugged her, John did the same. "It's been a while, huh?"

"You look great," Carol told her as Matt walked over with the drinks, already sipping his. "Hey Matt, how you doing?"

"Matt, both of those yours?" John said jokingly and darting his eyes at the drinks.

"Yeah, you know how I like to get a head start on you,” Matt said. "How you doing old buddy?"

The two hugged and shook hands. Then he turned to Carol and hugged and kissed her quickly.

"How's the married life treating you two?" Matt asked still jokingly.

"Great," said John.

"We're happy," said Carol.

"How's the sinful life?" asked John in continuation of the joking mood.

"Couldn't be better," answered Matt. "You know the sinful life is always more fun."

The four of them sat down and started separate conversations, man to man and woman to woman.

"So who would have thought we would be sitting here as winners one year later," started John.

"Hey, we're quite a tag-team huh?" Matt answered.

"So how's the baby?" asked Anne.

"Wonderful," Carol said. "He's the love of my life. It's tough work mothering little Kent, but there's nothing in the world I'd rather be doing."

"How are you guys getting along over there?" asked Matt.

"We're managing," answered John. "Money is tighter now with the baby, but we're doing okay."

"How was your trip to New York?" asked Carol.

"Wonderful," answered Anne. "I was able to do some shopping while I was there. The meeting itself was uneventful. I bought these gold earrings there."

"Oh, those are beautiful," Carol remarked. "I don't think I would have anything to wear with something so nice."

"Your attention please!" yelled a voice from behind the bar. "Quiet down everyone! We would like to take this opportunity to award the two fine artworks in the back room to our Buzz raffle winners. Would the holders of tickets 125 and 143 come forward?"

John waited for Matt to get up, and then both made their way to the bar while the room applauded and whistled. Two workers emerged from the back room with the framed sketches and handed them to the winners.

"We're going to get a picture of us now so that we can frame it and put it on the wall, so that we'll have proof that Jim Dean is no cheapskate," Jim said.

With Jim between the two, they posed while a picture and a second one, just in case the first didn't come out, were taken. John was uncomfortable being in the spotlight holding the prize his wife really won. Matt was smiles to the ears as he gloated in the attention and made a few wise-cracks.

John searched out his wife in the crowd and smiled to her. Once Jim had finished congratulating the two winners, the sketches were put behind the bar for safe keeping. They made their way back to the table, absorbing congratulations from passing tables. Carol squeezed John's hand as he sat down. Their eyes acknowledged to each other what a blessing this was for them.

"Hey, we need another round to have a toast," Matt proclaimed. "It's on me."

"No, I'll put in my half," John answered. "There's no reason why you should pay."

"I won't take no for an answer," Matt said. "I must insist."

"Well if you’re going to break my arm, then I guess I must accept," John answered jokingly.

Matt made his way to the bar like a man on a mission. The three of them sat uncomfortably as they waited for him. John peeked at the television to see what was going on in a baseball game that didn't have much meaning to him. Carol and Anne examined the room and the people filling it.

Carol pulled a pack of cigarettes from her purse and started to pull one smoke out.

"I thought you hated smoking?" asked Anne.

"I did...and I still do," she answered. "I just need one once in a while to relax."

"Boy, I guess times have changed," reflected Anne.

"No, times haven't changed too much," Carol said. "It's the people that time changes."

"Here we are," said Matt as he returned with a tray of drinks. "Just like old times. A beer for you. A gin and tonic for you. A scotch for you, my sweet and one for me.

"A toast. To old friendships that never die and may our glasses never be empty." They smiled and laughed as they clinked their drinks together.

The night wore on as they discussed old times like there was no better, and scratched the surface of the present. Carol checked her watch throughout the evening as if it was calling her. The lighting took on a hazy glow and this time Carol answered the call on her wrist.

She turned to John and gave him an apologetic look and said, "I think we had better be going."

"I guess you're right," he answered and looked around the room. Upon returning his vision to Matt and Anne, he continued, "We have to get an early start. It's a long ride home and I don't want to keep the baby-sitter up all night; especially at her rates."

"Oh, that's too bad," Anne responded. "It seems like we just got here."

"The night's still young," Matt added. "Hell, I'll pay for the baby sitter."

"No. That's all right," John answered. "We've both got a big day tomorrow. Thanks anyway."

"Well, why don't we go pick up our prizes then," Matt said.

John nodded and led the way to the bar. In the meantime, the women gathered themselves and waited by the door.

After waiting a minute for the bartender to get someone else's order, Matt yelled over to him, "Hey Mack, we want to lay claim to our prizes. John's baby-sitter is running up a hell of a tab while we're standing here."

The bartender looked at him with little expression, added up the order on the register, and then turned to another worker and yelled, "Hank, you want to bring the prizes over here. Our honored guests are leaving."

Within moments, Hank was there with the sketches. The bartender threw them a friendly smile, congratulated them again, and wished them a goodnight.

Matt carried his prize in front of him, in the grasp of his leather-gloved hands. John walked with it to his side, holding it with his fingers. As they met the women and went out the door, a breeze nearly pulled it out of his hands.

"What are you driving now?" John asked Matt as he looked around the lot and spotted his car.

"I still have the European racer, but that's not what I'm putting it in," he answered. "I rented a van so that I would be able to transport this. I've had this baby appraised," he said shaking it, "and I know it’s too valuable to mess with it. How about you?"

"I've got the family car," John said a little intimidated. "I'm going to tie it to the roof."

"You sure you want to do that?" Matt asked. "I can drive it over in my vehicle."

"No. Its too much trouble," John said.

"Oh no. That's what friends are for," Matt said.

"No. thanks anyway," John answered with finality.

"Well, we'll have to get together again soon," Matt said.

"Yeah, we'll have to give each other a call," John answered and he shook his hand.

"You two will have to come over to our place some time," Carol said. "I'll want to hear all about your trips."

"Sure," Anne answered. "I want to see the baby. I wouldn't miss that for the world."

The two hugged and said goodbye again as Matt and Anne walked towards their vehicle. John picked up the sketch, which he had leaned against the car, and laid it on the roof. He opened the trunk, pulled rope-string from it and tied the sketch down. Carol waited in the car as to not get in his way.

A horn beeped and John looked up in time to see a new black van coast out of the driveway. He and his wife waved to their friends one more time. John finished his last knot and got into the car with anxiety.

"That should hold it," he said. "I'm just going to have to go slower, just in case."

"It's too bad we couldn't rent a van like they did," Carol said.

"You know we can't afford a van," John said angrily. "We can't even afford a baby sitter."

Carol thought about answering him, but instead bit her tongue. John slammed the gear into reverse and they slowly pulled out of their space and out of the parking lot. A car with two young couples passed as they started down the road.

"The old place just isn't the same," commented John.

"Why do you say that," Carol asked curiously and sleepily.

"It just doesn't have the homey atmosphere it once had," he said thinking. "It used to be that you walked in their and everyone was your friend. Now most of them are gone and the new crowd is different. I don't know, they just aren't as fun as when I used to go there. It's not like putting on an old shoe anymore. I don't know."

"It looked about the same to me," Carol said. "We didn't know as many people, but that's to be expected since we don't go there anymore. They've kept the place looking exactly the same. And I didn't think the people were stuffy or anything."

"Of course it looks the same," said John irritated, "but I've been going there long before you have and I know something is different. Oh great! It's starting to rain."

A few large drops hit the windshield. Then a few more. Then it was as if the sky burst as the rain pounded furiously on the windshield. The drops danced tauntingly on the pavement exposed by his headlights.

"What about the sketch?" asked Carol.

"There's nothing we can do!" yelled John. "Besides, it's already wet anyway."

As they traveled through the mountainous roads, the trees shook around them. John had driven slowly so far. But now he had another car edging behind him on a downhill. He let off on the brake a little and coasted ten miles faster in order to accommodate the headlights in his mirror.

A subtle, yet scary noise sounded from outside the car. John pulled over hard to the side of the road, cussing. He got out of the car and into the rain. Upon examining his trail, he ran down the road a bit until he came to the driver behind him. Beyond his car were broken pieces of a frame and drenched and wrinkly paper on the tar.

"Look what you did to my car!" The man said angrily. "I've got a dent and scratch running over my roof."

"I'm sorry," John answered agitatedly and defeated. "My insurance will pay for it."

"What in the hell were you doing with that thing on your roof in the middle of a rain storm?" He asked, still angry.

"Look, here's my information," John said refusing to answer the question. "Just give me your name and phone number and it will be all taken care of."

The man went back into his car and left John standing, drenched, in the rain that had now slowed down. After what seemed like more than a few minutes, the man came out of his car with a piece of paper. John took it from him and said, "We'll be in touch."

He walked back to his car, the sketch no longer of any importance and drove off.

"What about the prize?" Carol asked.

"There is no prize," John answered sharply. "There never was a prize."

"You’re just going to leave it in the road?" Carol asked disgusted.

"That's where it belongs," John answered. "We were never meant to enjoy something like that. Besides, I'm not going to humiliate myself out there by picking garbage off the road. There never was a prize."

TWO MONTHS LATER.

Matt: Hi Carol.

Carol: Oh, hi Matt. How are you doing?

Matt: Good. Is John there?

Carol: No. He's working again.

Matt: Boy, I can never reach the guy. It seems like he's always working.

Carol: He is. We have more expenses now, so he took on more hours.

Matt: Can I leave a message with you?

Carol: Sure. I tell him when he gets in tonight.

Matt: Well do you remember the sketches we won?

Carol: Yes.

Matt: I just sold mine for a bundle. It seems as fortune would have it, the artist conveniently died. All his works skyrocketed as a result. Be sure to tell John to cash his in now, while there's a buying frenzy.

Carol: I'll be sure to tell him.

Matt: I've got to go. We really have to get together soon.

Carol: Okay. I'll have him call you.

Matt: Goodbye.

Carol: Bye.

Carol put down the receiver slowly and just stood. A dull burning spread through her chest as she looked at her past and hid from her future. The baby began to cry in the other room, breaking her from her trance. As she had done many times, she went over to check on Kent.